So add in some actual emotional turmoil to combine with the guilt and the work difficulties, mix up with feelings of responsibility for the people I worked with ... and our acute vulnerability, in the new circumstances, to whatever PCW might choose to throw at us ... and I was left a less than happy bunny.Which state of mind, even a few months back, would have sent me straight into a pub for a consoling beer or eight, probably followed by a decision to just chuck the whole thing in. Looking back, I'd walked away from a lot of stuff in my life, in fact had set up my life more or less precisely to allow me to do just that ... avoiding long term relationships – with people, employers, banks, whatever – always keeping my expectations low and my escape routes clear. Again, in retrospect, possibly not the most adult approach to life that I could possibly have taken ... but, hey, it had worked for me ... after a fashion.Problem was, now I had responsibilities ... opportunities ... stuff I. But more than that. I bought long, red candlesticks with clear glass candle holders for the living room, dining area and bedroom. There were only two things I was missing: A clean apartment (which I would do on Valentine’s Day before he came over) and a piece of lingerie that I thought he would like. Of course, I had lingerie, but I wanted to pick out the perfect kind, the kind that would wow him and make him fall for me instantly. A few days before, I had already invited him over for dinner on Valentine’s Day, so I knew he could make it. To at least attempt to ease any romantic suspicions he might have, I had told him over the phone, ‘No reason why two friends can’t enjoy that day of the year, especially if we don’t have dates’. But I knew all my romantic intentions would be laid out before him once he entered my apartment and saw the candlelight and heard the dim music in the background. On Wednesday the 12th I came home from work at the diner and I showered. I smelled of.
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